This is how BUSHFALLING affects your chances of finding a Good Life Partner

Finding a good life partner is not an easy task. In some cultures, it's sooo difficult, parents have to do it for their children. Most of the time Our (Cameroonian) culture allows us to freely choose. Research shows that, we are more likely to bond with people with whom we share a common culture (language, habits, customs, race).

In our local towns and villages back in Cameroon, we usualy all share a common culture (pidgin, afritude, fufu & eru, negro).. this creates a larger pool of women (if you are male) for finding a GOOD partner. i.e. So let's say for every 50 women there's a chance that 1 of them will be a Good partner for you. (1 in 50)... that means if there are 5000 eligible women in your local town, you have 100 women you could be happy with.

When you 'fall Bush' however, you emigrate to a new and usually 'foreign' country with a different culture. You then find yourself with a smaller pool of women (if you are male) from which to find a Good Partner. Say you went to the UK, where there are about 200 elligible women (in the whole coutry). This brings down your chance of finding a Good partner down to a miserable 4. That is 4 in the whole of the UK.. not even your local UK town.

There are a few ways out:

  1. Stay strong and wait till you find one of these 4 women, which could take years and who knows, they may have been taken already.
  2. Seek out other good matches in another country like the US ( be ready for high phone bills and anxiety attacks)
  3. Try bringing your cherie from Cameroon to join you where you are.
  4. Try your luck with the other 196 who are not a good match and regret for the rest of your life.
  5. Try finding a match from your new and 'foreign' country (sarah ngah or Akata)
  6. Stay single and proud
  7. Turn gay

Time Bomb??
Does the above describe one of the choices you have made? Are you happy with the choice you made? Let me say this, Bushfalling is great in many ways. But 10-15 years from now, we will have a crisis on our hands.

The crisis will occur for one of two reasons:

  1. People made the wrong choice and decided to stay with the wrong partner or stay unmarried. This leads to an increase in divorce rates, separated homes, unhappy bushfallers and endemic depression. Unmarried bushfallers will be preying on the few who are married and destroying families and wrecking relationships (this is already happening anyway).
  2. People marry out of their natural communities (sarah nga or Akata) and lose their identity leading to a massive brain drain and breakdown of our community.

So how do we get out of this?
Increase your chances of meeting the right person.

  1. Join or create groups with people who have similar interests in your local area.
  2. The internet is a great networking tool. There are loads of Cameroonian websites, soban.net, camdates.net, yaahoo groups etc that bring together paysans for interesting reasons. Join them. Keep your head up.

It's unfortunate that despite all the gains of going abroad for a better life, we are putting at stake one of the most important reasons for living life, companionship and Love. Paradoxical ain't it?

g.nupa

Published Monday, 04 Sep. 2006. 00:09

COMMENTS

 
Wed, 30 Jan. 2008. 23:01 by Yvonne

Interesting. However I think no matter where you live,if you are at the stage where you seek a good partner then have an open mind and if you find someone you like lots and you have more things in common than not then begin to see them as your life partner/companion. Having things in common is always a bonus as this may have brought you together but it is important to be aware of the differences that define you both as individuals which you can both learn from and understand each other better.

Sun, 30 Mar. 2008. 14:03 by Grand Obos

Good Partnership is a very lucid term, but conceived on individualism. While an individual is searching for a GOOD life partner with an individual list of search criteria, he or she keeps on interacting with other individuals. The interaction may be virtual or physical, superficial or intimate. But before the searcher realises that his/her GOOD is based on his/her conception of life and life has multiple facets beyond his/her individual GOODNESS criteria, he/she may spend a lifetime wondering what good is fufu and eru when you don't cash to buy red oil, or what good is cash when you don't have physical energy to derive powerful affections. In any case life continues with or without a "GOOD" Life Partner, and one may spend his/her lifetime searching for a GOOD, BETTER, what about the BEST life Partner or working with his/her current partner(s) for a GOOD, BETTER, what about the BEST life experiences.

Tue, 30 Nov. 2010. 03:11 by Silang Emmanuel

This is an interesting and an objective real life situation. The forgone alternative of good education abroard, travelling and globalization is unavoidably good life partner. Living in diaspora and considering get married will warrant one to forgo some cultural dogmas and widen the required conditions for the partner. And also one has to be very tolerance, flexible and orientate in a win-in-win direction. The long run result of this is that there will be a shrinking in the population of the educated class because of late marriages and low fertility or birth rate.

Tue, 30 Nov. 2010. 04:11 by Silang Emmanuel

Girls are like apples. The best ones are always found at the topper most branches, while the bad/rotten ones are at the lower branches or on the ground. Getting the best will demand that the boy has to climb high up, be patient in waiting and endure any consequences of the climb.
But the problem is that most guys are acrophobia and do not want to be hurt from falling, so they will settle for the girls on the rotten girls on the ground/lower branches. And regret for the rest of their lives.
While the best girls at the top will wait until nobody comes for them and they will instead think that climbing the success ladder is a problem and that guys consider them susphiscated or that they are cursed or that level in life is complicated.
Conclusion, we have to be risk takers because life is all about risk. The greatest risk is risking nothing.

Tue, 29 Mar. 2011. 00:03 by Karyne

There are too many marriages of convenience in Bush these days. Another question for the men is ‘Do you love her because you need her, or do you need her because you love her? Love does not just consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. We waste too much time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love life. I believe that many bush faller guys expect girls abroad to act like their mothers or aunties(from the 19th century). Women would if they had no cares and were just housewives.Unfortunately, the story is different here as there's no winter or recession in Cameroon, no council tax or TV license. Wake up guys, stop moaning, it goes without saying that ' if you can't have what you like... like what you have...

 

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